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Writing and publishing these pieces feels very vulnerable for me. I always (and yes this is an intentional absolute) struggle with sharing and quickly spiral into a “nobody cares about me” mindset. I still wrestle with divorcing my sense of self worth from everything I share into the great abyss that is the internet. It has taken me a lifetime to work up the courage to embrace my passion for story crafting that center around the complexities of romantic relationships. That’s why having a supportive community of friends who truly know you—the good, the bad and the ugly—and can hold space for your vulnerabilities is so important. I am eternally grateful for their on-going support ❤️‍🔥 

Whether these pieces are “good” or not isn’t the point—it’s about having the courage to be seen and known.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” ~Brené Brown

Vulnerability is a concept often discussed but frequently misunderstood. Particularly in the realm of emotional vulnerability, it is widely associated with weakness or fragility, which oversimplifies and distorts its true meaning. While general vulnerability may refer to exposure to physical, financial, or situational risk, emotional vulnerability is something much more nuanced and intimate. It is abstract, and often, its complexity leads to confusion about its significance in our lives. This essay seeks to explore the nature of emotional vulnerability—what it is, why it is a strength, and how we can learn to embrace it in our lives.

What is Vulnerability

“Vulnerability is a state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty. Learning how to be vulnerable involves a willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved.” ~Brené Brown

Emotional vulnerability refers to the willingness to expose one's true feelings, thoughts, and emotions, knowing there is a risk of being hurt or rejected. It is about emotional exposure combined with a degree of uncertainty.

When we think of vulnerability, it can metaphorically feel like standing naked in front of someone with a knife in their hand—you are open, exposed, and aware of the risk of harm. Despite this discomfort, emotional vulnerability is essential for personal growth and meaningful connections with others. It is the bridge between emotional isolation and deep intimacy.

Why Vulnerability is a Strength

“Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you… Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” ~Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

This captures a core truth: Vulnerability, when embraced, frees us from the fear of judgment and exploitation. Contrary to societal misconceptions that equate vulnerability with weakness, vulnerability is a profound source of strength. Here are several reasons why vulnerability should be seen as a strength:

1. Critical for Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Emotional Maturity

Vulnerability is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to navigate complex emotional landscapes. Being vulnerable allows us to confront our insecurities and emotions head-on, fostering deeper self-awareness. Research shows that individuals with high emotional intelligence tend to have stronger interpersonal relationships and are more adept at managing stress (Goleman, 1995). Vulnerability plays a pivotal role in this emotional mastery.

2. Builds Trust

Trust is often the foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether personal or professional. By being vulnerable, we signal to others that we are willing to be open and genuine. This kind of transparency invites others to reciprocate, thereby building mutual trust. In fact, studies have shown that individuals are more likely to trust and cooperate with someone who displays vulnerability (Cuddy, 2018).

3. Builds Courage

Vulnerability takes courage. To open ourselves up, despite the fear of being judged or rejected, is an act of bravery. As psychologist Brené Brown suggests, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome" (Brown, 2015). It is through this courageous act that we grow stronger emotionally.

4. Increases Intimacy

True emotional intimacy is only possible through vulnerability. As the phrase "Into Me See" suggests, intimacy is about being seen and known on a deep, personal level. This can only happen when we are willing to let our guard down and allow others to see us for who we truly are, flaws and all.

5. Increases Authenticity

*See essay on Authenticity: Passport for Transcendent Love

Being vulnerable often means being authentic. By exposing our true selves—our thoughts, desires, and fears—we practice authenticity. Authenticity in turn strengthens our relationships, as people are more drawn to those who are real and honest rather than those who hide behind masks.

6. Releases Toxic Shame

Vulnerability also allows for the release of toxic shame, which is often a hidden emotion keeping us from living fully. When we hide parts of ourselves out of shame, we reinforce the belief that we are fundamentally flawed. By being vulnerable, we confront shame directly and begin to heal from its effects. According to psychologist John Bradshaw (1988), “Toxic shame is the internalization of a belief that we are defective.” Vulnerability provides a path for shedding this belief.

What Vulnerability Looks/Feels Like

While vulnerability can be difficult to define in concrete terms, it’s often unmistakable when we feel it. Vulnerability feels like both fear and freedom. It feels like closeness and connection when shared with another person.

Examples of Vulnerability

1. Admitting Mistakes
2. Remorseful, Heartfelt Apologies
3. Asking for Help
4. Sharing personal insecurities
5. Forgiving Others
6. Being honest about what you need in a relationship, including your boundaries and expectations

What Vulnerability Is Not

It’s important to recognize what vulnerability is not. Vulnerability can be used for manipulative purposes to rush someone into intimacy, especially with narcissists or from unhealthy people. Vulnerability is not about being overly emotional or chaotic. It’s not about sharing for the sake of sharing or “virtue signaling” to gain approval from others. True vulnerability requires authenticity, not performative behavior. It’s about showing up as yourself, not masking it under the guise of seeking validation.

What Blocks Vulnerability

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~Brené Brown

Several factors may prevent individuals from embracing vulnerability. These include:

1. Lack of Authenticity or a Strong Sense of Self

*See essay on Authenticity: Passport for Transcendent Love

People who lack a strong sense of self often fear vulnerability because they don't feel secure in their own identity. Authenticity is crucial to being vulnerable because it requires us to own who we are.

2. Toxic Shame and Low Self-Esteem

Those who experience deep-rooted shame or low self-esteem may struggle to be vulnerable because they fear rejection or judgment. They may believe that if others knew their true selves, they would be unworthy of love or connection.

3. Fear of Rejection or Abandonment

Many people avoid vulnerability because they fear it will lead to rejection or abandonment. They may choose to hide their true feelings or desires in an effort to avoid being hurt.

4. Fear of Being Shamed

The fear of being publicly humiliated or shamed for being open is another powerful barrier to vulnerability. The potential for our deepest insecurities to be exposed and used against us can be paralyzing.

5. Fear of Having Vulnerability Weaponized

In some cases, people fear that their vulnerability will be exploited. This fear is especially common among those who have experienced betrayal or manipulation in the past.

How to Be More Vulnerable

Becoming more vulnerable is a gradual process that involves self-discovery and emotional bravery. Here are some ways to cultivate vulnerability:

1. Develop a Stronger Sense of Self

One of the first steps in embracing vulnerability is developing a strong sense of self. Stop seeking external validation and start recognizing your own inherent worth. When you know who you are, being vulnerable becomes less about risking your identity and more about sharing it.

2. Stop People-Pleasing

Codependency and people-pleasing are significant obstacles to vulnerability. When you’re constantly focused on pleasing others, you neglect your own needs and desires, which limits your ability to be authentic and open.

3. Find Safe and Healthy Models of Vulnerability

Surround yourself with people who model healthy vulnerability. Being around others who are already vulnerable can help you feel safe enough to share your own emotions.

4. Start with Core Values

Identifying your core values can provide a foundation for authenticity. When you understand what matters to you most, it becomes easier to share those truths with others.

5. Practice Setting Boundaries

Vulnerability is not about oversharing or exposing yourself indiscriminately. It involves setting healthy boundaries that allow you to be open without compromising your emotional safety.

Conclusion

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity". "Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage". "Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection". ~Brené Brown

Vulnerability is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness, but in reality, it is a powerful act of courage and authenticity. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves to deeper relationships, greater emotional intelligence, and a stronger sense of self. The road to vulnerability is not easy—it requires us to confront fears of rejection, shame, and abandonment—but the rewards are profound. Vulnerability fosters connection, intimacy, and growth, and ultimately, it is one of the most important tools we have for building a meaningful and fulfilling life.

References

• Bradshaw, J. (1988). Healing the Shame That Binds You. Health Communications, Inc.
• Brown, B. (2012). *Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable…